Wednesday, August 30, 2006

Bullet Wound

Aloha people...

...recently I tried studying the Fine Arts, like philosophy and literature in depth and all over again to try and fight the pain that still haunts me...it isnt really working...

As I begin to learn what the Fine Arts has to offer to teach me about life, I realise that it give no comfort to my pain, but it seems to add to it indirectly...

I begin to think alot about Kelly and Jenny...the memories and what I've lost...

I've never really been like this before...staying in a state and not moving on...I think finally I know the feeling of millions of souls like me now...the feeling of just being unable to move on...

Even worst, I begin to think sooo much about Sue-Yi and Lianne now...and they are alive...the feelings that come from both of them seem to hurt more than the memories of Kelly and Jenny...

Soo much pain, soo much memories...it just keeps building and building...

Among my studies of the Fine Arts, I created a story of somesort...spend some time and read it yes? it is my own composition...maybe you can see the hidden meaning of it...

Story Of Drawn Faces
I go to school, come back from school, have an average life...I watch from my room window, a park in the evening, and many kids of different age playing in the park. I thought to myself, why not I join them? yes...why not? So I walk across the road into the park, and just started playing the swing by myself. I see faces, soo many faces...all empty, and I wonder my thoughts into many things. I am quite weird am I not? I see people, but I cannot see their faces...no matter how hard I try, I just cannot see their faces...and yes, I cannot see my own too.

I swing on the swing, when the chain broke, and I fall onto the soft grass infront of me. I pick myself up, alittle shaken and alittle scared, but thats when this boy approached me. He asked if I was alright, I replied I was fine, and then he told me his name, I replied with mine. Something clicked from then, it was odd but I began to play with this boy. Every evening, at my park I would play with him on the see saw, on the monkey bars, almost everything on the playground. I grew close to this boy, and I began to ask myself after sometime, is this one of those things that can happen to me? just meeting someone just like that?

After awhile, I told this boy my secret, that I couldnt see faces, and I couldnt see his face nor my own. The boy looked at me for awhile and told me to meet him in the park at midnight. I was quite surprised, but I went along for the ride. At midnight I went to the park, the boy was there, so I went up to him and asked to why he brought me out to the park at this late an hour.

Me: "Why are we here?"

Boy: "Because its at this time I can get the stuff I need"

Me: "stuff? for what? and what stuff?"

Boy: "Oh just stuff to paint faces"

Me: "what? you're not going to start painting my face and your face are you? that's silly!! I still wont be able to see your nor my face"

Boy: "that is where the stuff comes in"

Me: "what?"

Boy: "Look up"

As I looked up, I saw the night sky, and the million of stars admist the clear moon. I was still confused...when suddenly the boy asked me to look down and when I did, I saw him strech out his arm into the sky and he touched the stars. He touched them and as if glitter, he took those stars into his hand, and show me his palm. The stars were shinning white ember, like glowing diamonds, and I was beyond words. He took his other hand and dipped it into the diamond dust, and he began to touch my face with it. I felt warm...

After awhile he took out a small pocket mirror, and showed me my face, and I was shocked, I could see my face! and this is what he told me

Boy: "There...your face painted with the stars, isnt it beautiful?"

I was shocked...I was just completly shocked...He took my hand and poured the stars into it. And he asked me to paint his face...I didnt know how...but he told me to just do it. So I copied his movements, I dipped my hand into the diamond dust and touched his face, and I painted his face...and his face came to life...

Is this how you feel? when you fall in love? is this how you feel when you can see a face? this feeling...can you tell me what it is?
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No memories still....