Missing

I apologies for my extended leave of absence...

I needed time and sanctuary from human company for awhile, to regain whats little left of my life, and I must say, I've recovered quite abit...

I've recovered to a point where wounds have become scars, and broken glass are pieced back together with cracks in between, but none the less, I've regained my sanity and emotional strength...

It took me quite awhile to do so, having go through a few more episodes of life to get to where I am at the moment...Samantha & Jade, Sue-Yi, Lianne...these names might be familiar to you now, if not, then it should peak your interest to find out why these names might be familiar, because last I left you reading my blog, I spoken that I havent finished their matters at all, in fact I have only told you the tip of the iceberg about them...and guess what?

Not everything is settled....haha goodjob right?

alright maybe I've taken this alittle too fast...
Lets start from scratch...

Sue-Yi- Last I left this in my blog, I spoke about our past together, but I kinda gave a incomplete record of it...but I will complete it soon I hope, but moving on to today, things are still left unsettled, uncomfortable, uneasing, that kinda awkard silence u have and u feel in your gut...things are pretty much like that between me and her...

I am trying to get over her, but no matter how hard I bleeding try, my heart refuses to let her fade nor burn out, instead my heart burns agaisnt the logic of my mind...between LOVE and COMMON SENSE...I realise that I can never be rid of her, unless I've truly faced her, which is quite difficult seeing she runs just as much as I do, except in a different way, from each other...

However I met her again, recently, and everything I came soo close to getting...getting over her I mean...just flew out the window...I spoke with her...and we both realised...the truth of it all, that we are still in love with each other...yes I know...wtf.com....its sick, its never ending, its frustrating, its just plain degrading...but yes...I'm still in love with her...and so is she...

Being messed up as it is, I find comfort in knowing that she is still apart of my life, even though she brings pain and hurt to it...twisted no? yes I know...moving on baby...moving on...

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Lianne- hahahahahaha I cant really blog about this one...not yet...the time hasnt come...but I assure you, you'll freaking glue ure eyeballs to the pc screen reading about her in time...WATCH for this one alright?

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Samantha and Jade - remember the two sisters that lost both parents? I was appointed god brother and legal guardian when I turn 21, quite a responsibility, but I have to say, these 2 sisters, made me realise that, as long as you draw breath, you cannot and will not give up on life...I needed a child to teach me that again...

alright lets start from the very beginning shall we?

as you might or might know be aware, I was in deep sorrow and depression since my last blog, so much so that I found little meaning in everything thing I do, I knew I couldnt give up on life, nor take the coward's way of ending my life, but being right there, in between not giving up and constants emotional pain, is something I wish no one should go through...

I was depressed, sick, and messed up, a total wreck...and there I was, trying my best to be an emotional supporting pillar to 2 girls, one aged 9 last year and the other aged 15 last year...and there I was, paying them regular visits, and seeing them cry at night...

Samantha and Jade...hahaha I needed a child of 9 to teach me that life can never take me down and I needed Jade 15 years old, to teach me, my will and soul is my own, and I cannot break myself for if I do, I become what which I hate the most....

They are strong for their age...no...beyond the higher age even, they supress their pain of losing their cherished parents, and instead of falling into depression as I have fallen, they push on, living life, carrying their pains with them, they still push on...

Only after about 3 weeks since I met them for the first time since their last parent passed away, they began to resume normal life, laughing and smiling again, and check this out...

I am going to sum up the whole blood damn thing like this:

Me: Why?

Samantha: BECAUSE I CAN...AND I WILL

Jade: Why not...?

GOOD GOD DAMMIT!!! IT HIT ME RIGHT IN THE FREAKING FACE!!!!
I can get over my broken heart, I will stand up again, and why the hell not!?
after that...I began to pieace back my life slowly...

Taking it day by day and so on....but right now ladies and gentleman...I am back...

ok I know I know...u still want more....but I'll save it for now, and blog about it and my journey of recovery and plans of REVENGE and REDEMPTION in my future blogs...

I'll organize everything nicely...

This post I guess is just to tell you all...I'm back...